Back to solid enough ground

Arboretum, June 28, 2022 My existential angst has come up against the drudgery of making sure clinical staff have reviewed my chart. The day before my scan a nurse called to go over my premedication for the scan. Me: "What premedication?" Nurse: "Benadryl and dexamethazone, like you took before." Me: "OK. I think there might …

Light and Shadow

June 26, 2022, 5:16 pm, Arboretum. The language around cancer is filled with cliches, metaphors, and pithy, made-up words, and medical shorthand. Scanxiety. Chemo-brain. Dx (diagnosis). Tx (treatment). "Cancer sucks." The "rounds" of chemotherapy slide into the metaphor of a boxing match--still swinging, etc. The "battle with cancer" shows up in a lot of obituaries. …

Finding my place in the world

I don't know what this ground cover is. Each spring, it returns to carpet the wooded area behind my little neighborhood. Early this week I delivered myself into the hands of the interventional radiology team who threaded a guide needle to a spot on the top, right dome of my liver, just underneath my diaphragm, …

Limbo

The view this morning from my back porch. I am back in limbo. I had anticipated (such a dangerous word) that the scan just one month following my last treatment would be clear and serve as a baseline for future monitoring of the disease. Instead two spots, one on my liver and one on my …

Destiny and Surrender

Close up of the coronal and sagittal suture joints on a deer skull. The suture joints of the skull remain unfused well into adulthood for humans so that the brain is not compressed as it grows. Functionally, the joints must be very stable to protect the brain, yet mobile enough to permit growth. Hence the …